


The Damning Effects of Primunamare

by coveredwagon



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 19:13:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15516654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coveredwagon/pseuds/coveredwagon
Summary: You've heard dozens of rumors about Summer Smith's grandpa and felt the need to meet him. What better time than at his granddaughter's party? Space travel ensues.





	The Damning Effects of Primunamare

You weren’t here by choice. You’ve never even spoken to Summer Smith before, yet here you were, at her house party after only seeing her during the speech that alien made in hopes of making everyone befriend her. You only came here because of your friends, who all knew Summer because of a friend of a friend.

When you got to the house you were greeted with Summer’s younger brother, Morty. He was completely overwhelmed by the over-abundance of teenage girls in the house and almost fainted at the sight of more. “Poor kid.” You sighed as you passed him and entered a room filled with dance songs. “I think I can deal with this.”

“Oh shut up, y/n. You’re just gonna go hide out anyways!” One of your friends teased.

“You’re not wrong.”

You looked around at the dancing bodies, 80% obviously wrecked beyond salvation among others that were influenced to feel that they were drunk, even though they’d only had one shot. You thanked god that you brought a novel and some liquor of your own. Swaying your way between the ravers, you made it to the stairs and ventured upward, hoping that you could find a vacant room without a couple making out in it.

After discovering some new sex positions, you started feeling hopeless. _Just one room left._ You crossed your fingers and opened the door. You relaxed in bliss to find an absence of moans, but all that went away when you laid your eyes on someone. He was older, white hair, wearing this blue-ish sweater. He was laying on his bed with a bottle tucked in the nook between his arm and his waist.

“You’re Summer’s grandpa, right?” You leaned against the doorframe and crossed your arms.

“Yeah sure.” He waved his bottle. “Shouldn’t you be down there, h-having the pubescent time of your life?” He sat up slouched over from his lying position and looked at you, bored.

“Partying isn’t my cup of tea-”

“Well, why the fuck not? Y-you're young! Go grind up against some guy you’ll never see again and get fucking wrecked.”

Your eyes widened to saucers. You’d never imagined meeting an actual dirty grandpa. “I can get high with my friends without the risk of getting caught by the cops, thanks.”

“Whatever.” He took his eyes off of you and chased down the last of his drink.

“Why are you here anyway?” You asked, smug. “Shouldn’t you be out searching the galaxy instead of being home at the time of your grandkid’s party, horny couples busting through your door every once and awhile?” You thought you could catch him off guard with your knowledge, but to your dismay he was unfazed.

“I was just getting ready to go.”

“Sure you were.”

“Oh, fuck off.” He left his bed, grabbed his lab coat, and walked past you.

“Hey,” you took hold of the white fabric, jerking him back, “can I come?”

“D-don’t be stupid. I’m sure you’re real ready for some galactic adventures and shit but-”

You pulled the fabric more so he was facing you and you looked in his eyes, dead serious. “I came to your room so I could find a place to peacefully read Stephen Hawking's _A Brief History of Time_. I like arts and science, and have always dreamed of exploring distant worlds. Take me.”

He grinned. “So you think your nerd skills will get you free admission to my spaceship?”

“I also have liquor.”

“Man! I can’t believe I had to persuade you to come, c’mon down here man!” His face glowed in happiness as he joked.

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes but found it nice you found a way in.

He led you downstairs to the garage and into his spaceship. You glided your hand against the hood of the craft. “Smaller than I imagined.” He glared. “I’m just amazed you can compact the objects needed to take this off of the ground in such a small space.” His frown reformed to show a hint of appreciation at your skillful rebound.

“A-alright, get in and we’ll get wasted and I’ll take you wherever you want.”

“Deal.”

The doors opened and you climbed over the metal to secure yourself in the craft. Surprised, you landed your eyes on a seatbelt, and decisively stretched it across your body, patiently waiting for Summer’s grandpa to get in. Eventually, after draining his flask, he got in and set all controls up. You noticed that when you hovered and moved forward out of the garage his absence of a seatbelt. _He really thinks he’s a rebel, huh?_

“So, where to?” He asked in a gruff voice, his hands on the wheel.

“A scientifically advanced society that...that...okay that’s my only requirement. But bonus points for being aesthetically pleasing.”

“I can work with that.” Immediately you felt weightless, to seemingly fly up, only for the fabric around you to hold you down. You looked beside you to find the man two feet off of his seat, smiling like a madman.

“Can’t you stabilize the inner environment or something?”

“Shit, forgot.” He smirked at you, flipping a switch that made him fall back down comfortably in his seat.

You huffed, trying not to look too displeased. After all, you were getting a free ride to an alien planet. You looked away from him, staring out the window at the streaks of light you believed to be stars and planets. “What does this run off of?”

“Concentrated dark matter.”

“Cool. Is it a compound or an element?”

“Compound, of course. What kind of a question is that?”

“Are the ingredients to make it on Earth or are they extraterrestrial? Do you have to refuel on other planets?”

“Earth won’t develop the elements needed until the fourth world war.” He said with a tint of annoyance in his voice.

“That's depressing. Was it used in war time? I mean, sure they probably didn’t realize if you make this certain compound it’d make spaceship fuel but...Oh! And what do the elements rate on reactivity?”

“G-geez why are you so f-fucking interested in the science of it? It’s a flying object! Let’s just leave it at that.”

He’s so defensive, Jesus Christ. “Fine. I’m just curious cause, ya’know, science, but if you don’t want to talk about it it’s cool.”

“Take a swig of liquor, you obviously need it.” You did as told, but the alcohol did no miracle to numb his harshness. “Anyways, kid, what’s your name?”

“(y/n).”

“Rick.” He smiled. _Talk about mixed signals._ You smiled again and laughed nervously. _They really weren’t kidding when saying he was a mad genius._

You avoided more eye contact and peered out the window, finding that you were slowing down, nearing the planet. Nearing the surface, you could see brilliant blues and pinks, mountains, and large cities made of almost exaggerated towering skyscrapers. “It’s beautiful. Look at that building!” You pointed at one in obvious excitement, reading ‘Hospital’ on the building front. “I want to go iiiiinn!” You felt like such a kid, but allowed yourself to feel this way because, well, you were on an alien planet!

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, we’ll land in a second.”

You got close enough to the ground that you could see civilians. “Hey Rick,” you had your face pressed against the window, “are these all the same species?” You could observe immediate differences between the present organisms. Some looked remarkably like humans, but most others were like animal hybrids of those on Earth.

“No. One species was the head at some point, like humans on Earth, and they developed a technology to grant all species on this planet the same mental and physical power as them.”

“Why would they do that?”

“I-I dunno, (y/n). Ya-ya know, one might theorize humans giving dogs these powers and all of the sudden humans are forced into submission.”

“I think I remember a show like that.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it.”

Eventually, the ship touched ground and you excitedly ran out to explore the new world. In front of the hospital, there seemed to be a fountain-like structure. In the center, it sprouted up and expelled a green substance into a circular, ground level pit, where many people were swimming.

“As they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

“S-so you’re using that as an excuse to swim in primunamare? Do you even know what that stuff does to you?”

“Based on the latin name, I’d venture to say that it makes you fall in love with the first person you see. But then I’d wonder why everyone was dancing in it.”

“Wow, nerd. Okay, yeah sure that name is a dead give away, but no it doesn’t do that. Primunamare is virtually ineffective, it’s basically this place’s water.”

“That makes up my mind then!” You jumped into the green liquid and was surprised to feel no sensation of being wet. Your clothes felt entirely dry, but it caused you to feel the same buoyancy of water.

It was right when you dunked your head in when Rick said something out loud. When you lifted your head up, all you heard was the last bit of his sentence. “...but that won’t affect you until after our trip.”

You looked at him, smiling. “What’s that? I was distracted by this-this great green stuff!”

“...And it dumbs them as well…”

“Ahh, Rick! You have to jump innnn it’s so funnn.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

You looked at him, trying to give him the best doe eyes you could, and whined, “c’monnnn Rickkkk.”

“No. Get out of there and we can go into the hospital.”

“Why would I wanna do that there’s all this pretty stuff around?? Like, look at that bird! It’s - it’s huge!” You pointed excitedly at a human sized species that looked similar to a parrot.

The creature turned to you angrily, “It’s rude to point!”

You covered your mouth and waved, “I’m sorry!”

“Get over here. Right now.” Rick’s voice was gruff and serious.

“You gotta beg meee.”

He looked at you stern. “If you don’t get the fuck out of there you are going to be punished.”

“Oh yeah grandpa?? What are you gonna do to me? Spank me?”

He smirked. “As a matter of fact, that sounds like a great idea.”

You pointed at him and laughed. “Haha! Jokes on you!! I’d actually like that.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Godfuckingdamnit. Fine. I-if you won't come out yourself I’m dragging you out.”

“So you're coming in?”

“Fuck no. Just wait there.” He hopped in his ship and hovered over the fountain at a tilt and draped his arm out for you to grab. “Grab my hand!”

“Why should I?”

“So we can go home.”

“I don’t wanna go hommme.”

“Y-you said you liked the mountains right?” You nodded. “Then I’ll take you to the fucking mountains just grab my hand.”

“Alrighty, Ricky.” You reached up and grabbed his hand and, before he could pull you up, you pulled him down…

“No! Goddamnit!”

...into the fountain.

He made a huge splash, hitting several passers by, causing them to yell rude comments at the both of you. They weren’t the only mad ones, though.

“I’m your only ride out of here! How the f-” Rick’s angered face fell so that it was content. “Mannn...how this nasty ass water feel like air? But like not? Y’know?”  
You grasped his shoulders. “Mann!! I totally know right!”

“This shit is like...too freaky. We should get out and check the sites, right?”

“Yeah...I can roll with that.”

“Fo shizzle. After you ma’ nizzle.” He put his hand on your back as you got out. Once on pavement he held you tight.

“Rickk?? W-what are you doing?”

He laughed. “You think that stuff affects me anymore? My buddies and I used to swim in it after every show and get wrecked. I gotta _drink_ a whole ocean of that shit to get on your level.”

“Aawwwe Rickkkk. That’s not faairrr.”

“Oh, are you going to give me a whole talk on the 19th amendment? No thanks Miss Phoenix Wright. We’re going home.”

You tried wriggling free but gave up when you realized how strong he was, but you had another idea.

“Rape!!! Everyone!!! This man is trying to rape me!! He drugged me!!”

He covered your mouth, “Oh no you’re not you little cu-”

“HELP!!!” You managed to muffle through his hands. People, er, aliens started running over and pulling Rick off of you while others called the cops.

“No! You don’t understand! She’s human! She got into the Primunamare!”

“Save it for the judge.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Save it for the judge? What is this, fucking CSI Miami?”

Finally, you were ripped away from Rick as the cops arrived. They piled out and two of them took Rick to a car and threw him in the back. Another one came to you and kneeled to your level. They looked lion-esque with their mane but they had a long snout like a greyhound. “Are you alright, Miss?” You nodded as he draped a blanket around you.

“Yeah. I’m okay, just a little dizzy,” you giggled. “Make sure that bad man goes to jail okay?”

“Yes ma’am, right away. But we’ll also have to take you to the sheriff’s for your report.”

“Ohh, well that’s okay I guess.” You smiled at him as he led you to one of the police cars. You caught sight of Rick. He wasn’t happy at all. He was spouting curses and all but paused when he saw you. He just looked plain angry, but you smiled back. “See you in court Rickyy!!” He spat on the ground and was finally shoved into the car, which sped off in a hurry.

Once you got to the police station, you started to tell the officers what happened, “And then he slipped something in my drink…” but midway your mind started to clear up, and suddenly you were finally present. You stared at your hands on the desk for a minute, gathering your bearings.

“And then what?”

Finally, you realized the greater part of you now had control of yourself again.

“Oh, I’m sorry, officers.”

“What is it?”

“Do you know about primunamare?”

“Of course, who doesn't?”

“Right, well,” you sighed, “I’m human.” The room sighed collectively. “I didn’t know the effect it had on humans so I jumped in to experience it, and as you all know, I got dumber. Rick, the man you apprehended, tried to get me out and I didn’t want to so that’s why I shouted rape. I’m sorry.”

“Well, since you were under the influence, but not meaningfully, we have no reason to persecute you or your friend. Both of you may leave.”

“Thank you, I’m really sorry for the disturbance.”

“It's quite alright. Do you want to go get your friend?” You nodded and was led to the jail room by a deputy. She opened the door for you and you entered a room full of concrete and metal bars. _Kind of archaic…_

You approached Rick, as he looked at you with a furrowed brow. “You know what I don’t get?”

You decided to mess with him a little more, putting on your drunk speech. “Oh, what Rickyy??”

“How you can be so damn smart even when a drug dumbs you.”

You just laughed and cut the crap. “Well, they let us off easy so I wouldn’t be too upset.”

“It finally wore off?”

“Yeah, and I told the truth so we’re alright to go.”

“That’s bullshit, they don’t let you go that easy here.”

“Obviously, properly developed and educated societies are more inclined to go easy on people that tell the truth, which I'm guessing you don't do often when you're in trouble.”

“I-I’m not about to get a lesson in ethics from you.”

“So that’s a yes?”

He grinned. “As long as the Intergalactic Federation is kicking, I’m a lying bastard.”

You looked at him, a little incredulous. “If I were you, I'd start siding with the person that just got you out of jail.”

“Not if they're as fucking annoying as you are.”

You looked at Rick, feeling hurt, but your face not showing it. You turned away and started walking out of the jailroom.

“Gonna find some way to keep me in here, huh? How are you gonna get off of this fucking planet without me? Actually, you'd like living here with this ‘higher than thee’ society, huh, (y/n)?”

You walked out and closed the door and turned to the deputy and nodded. She went in as you walked out of the station and to the parking lot, where they had confiscated the ship. You sat on the hood and waited.

After awhile, Rick came out the back door, gently touching his wrists where red rings were. Seeing your line of sight, he quickly dug for his keys in his lab coat and opened the ship. You climbed in before he was even close enough to touch it, and you patiently waited for him to get in as well.

You felt the tension in the air and thought of a million things you could say to break it, what Rick would say, and what you’d say to that. You thought of the roads you could take, but found yourself completely uncertain of what to do. It's not every day that you get drugged, accuse a guy of rape and get him locked up, only for him to yell at you when you get him out.

He started the ship, and no one had still said anything, so you felt the need to finally speak up.

“Sorry I got you arrested.”

“It's fine.”

Blown away by the tone of his voice, you turned away from him and crossed your arms, as you watched the ship rise and fly out of orbit.

“I-I mean I've been arrested numerous times, and that was the least bad experience I've ever had in this stupid galaxy. Really, it's fine.”

You turned from the streaks of light to him, considering his forgiving tonality. “Then why'd you blow up at me?”

“I don't fucking know, (y/n). You’ve been really fucking annoying-”

_Aaaaand he ruined it._ You turned back away. “I could say the same for you, grandpa, but I haven't yelled at you yet.”

“Oh really? How am I annoying?”

“You're everywhere!” You waved your arms around. “You're nice one minute, rude the next, borderline sadistic sometimes-”

“What the fuck are you on about?”

“Just saying we both have problems, but we can be rational.”

“It’s logical, rational thinking that you're annoying as fuck.” He entered the garage and held his breath as the ship plopped down on the concrete. He took in a breath and let it out, and turned to you. “Look at me,” he demanded.

You huffed and turned to him, pouting.

“Now get out of my ship.”

Your eyes narrowed at him as you gave him one last glare. As you turned to get out, you avoided any eye contact, and you strode into the still thumping house. You stopped in the hallway as you took a deep breath in, and let it out, relaxing your face and every tense muscle in your body.

You thought about it. You were just in space. On an alien planet. Just enjoy the rest of the night.

So you walked to the living room and mingled like you never had before, enjoying the company of your extended friends, and even peers you'd written off before.

Without your knowledge, Rick stayed seated in the ship numerous minutes after you'd left. Deep in reflection, but his mind also rejecting it as he didn't want to give time to the remembering of past events, or even you.

Not only the wasting of time, but the feeling of guilt that rose within him. He didn't even put the proper name to the feeling he was so against it.

So he rationalized his treatment of you.

_This doesn't even matter, because in the perspective of space, we're even more insignificant than ants, more than a speck of dirt, more than the tiniest, most useless thing on Earth. Even smaller than that is our relationships with each other. So it's fine that I treated her like shit._

Wait, that doesn't sound quite right.

He thought back and combed through everything and remembered your interest in science, your actual passion for it. Your curiosity, heading straight in with no questions asked. And your love for truth.

He realized that even though people were insignificant, knowledgeable and powerful people like himself could change the world, or even just change their own world and satisfy themselves. Who was he to squash the curiosity of someone young and capable of amazing things? How would he have liked it if he were younger?

Happy or not that he rationalized through it, he left the ship and into the living room. He pushed drunk teens left and right, scouring above their heads, searching for you. He found you laughing with three other girls and marched forward, grabbing your arm.

“I need to talk to you.”

You flinched at his grip and felt an anger bubble up inside of you, but it subsided as soon as you saw the urgency in his eyes.

“O-okay.”

He turned and pulled you toward the stairs as you gave your friends a genuinely puzzled look. He yanked you upstairs and almost threw you into his room, making you stumble and try to get your bearings as he closed the door behind him.

“What are you-”

“Shut up and listen to me.”

You quieted and stood rigid, watching him as he approached you.

“I'm a nihilist. You're so fucking smart I probably don't have to explain that to you.” You nodded slowly, confused. “And you're this optimistic realist. I see your passion, and who the fuck am I to shit on your dreams. If you wanna learn about all this scientific shit, I'm down, because someone's gotta continue when I'm not around, because Morty sure as hell won't.”

“You mean-?”

“I'll tell you everything about concentrated dark matter, scientific advancements, other planets, whatever the fuck you want to know.”

You were totally shocked.

Rick waved his hand in front of your face. “Hello? Earth to planet optimism!”

You blinked. “Y-yes! Of course!”

“Great. We’ll start monday.”

“I can't, I have a student council meeting after school.”

He looked off exasperated. “Of course you're in student council.” He held his hands up like balances. “Puny high school in the middle of nowhere student council full of superficial teenagers you don't even like,” he lowers his hand down to his knees, “ooor science that 99.9999% of earth doesn't know about that could change your life, and your contributions then change the universe?” and he raises the other above his head.

“I'll quit monday morning.”

Rick brought up his flask and took a drink all while making eye contact. He wiped off the excess drink from his mouth and pointed at you. “I knew I liked you. Even if you're fucking annoying.”

Quickly, Rick walked behind you and pushed you out toward the door. “Hey!” He opened it and pushed you completely out as you whipped around to see him.

He gave you a smirk. “Now go get wrecked.”

You laughed at him, shaking your head. “You're fucking crazy.”

“You're crazy if you just realized that!” He yelled over the music as you walked down the hallway, giving him a smile behind your shoulder.

Rick looked at the ground as he just fully realized what he'd done.

He closed the door, took a drink, and passed out on the bed, pushing all the responsibilities he just placed upon himself out for another time.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I totally made up how concentrated dark matter is made. Idk what's canon.


End file.
